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As time marches on - managing work & family

Posted by Mary Rogul on Wed, Aug 18, 2010 @ 08:42 PM
  
Add to delicious  delicious  
  

I'm finding that as time goes by things are not necessarily getting easier as I had anticipated, they are just different. 

When my older son Alex was a toddler, around 18 months old, he was a breeze.  I was starting to get my life back, sleeping in until the late hour of 7am.  I actually looked and felt rested.  It was a wonderful time as I was completely enjoying my young son, while also feeling like things were starting to get back to "normal"

Now, my older son is 3 1/2, my younger son 1 1/2 and I've never felt so out of control.  I find there is no time for me to do much of anything other than my daily work, which I completely enjoy (thank goodness), and taking good care of my children.

I'm definitely in a funk about it and a bit blue.  I can't seem to get out of this spiral of letting most things go and being helpless is just not my thing.

I've been here before and what typically helps is surrounding myself with good friends that can literally hold me up while I figure it all out.  But I just don't see any change in sight and what little me time I can find, I usually try to sneak in a nap.  Gone are the days of working out, eating well, and taking an hour to shop or get a needed massage.

I know it doesn't have to be this way and there are many of you out there that have lent a helping hand before when I couldn't get out of my own way. Please know I love you for it, and I'm hopeful this "stage" will soon pass and I can get a little, just a little, bit of time back to care for myself, my husband, and those of you that have taken such good care of me in the past.

Well, this has been helpful, my little vent session. 

Would love to hear if you've experienced this as well and how you were able to move things forward in a positive direction.

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Comments

Mary - as you know from this morning I can't offer any advice on how to move things forward as I am currently in the *exact* spot you are. I struggle with getting it all done and as I look around my messy house realize I am not getting it all done. 
 
I, too, don't get to shop when I want (or ever), can't remember the last massage (but it sounds so nice) and my eye brows could really use a visit to a salon, but I do try to get out with friends to forget about my crazy live or commiserate (depending on the friends). I went out for a drink with a girlfriend on a Friday night a few weeks back (spur of the moment, a text just saying can you get out for a drink after kids go to bed?) and it was great. Although, when we got to Davis Square we realized lots of people go out on Friday nights (shocking, I know) and it is loud and busy and...how did I SO quickly forget what the real world is like? Very sad. We ended up at a coffee shop because I couldn't deal with the super crowded bars, but when I got home I felt revitalized. I went to bed too late and paid for it the next day, but it didn't matter. So, I try to do that when I can. I do find the spur of the moment get-togethers can be easier than planning a week in advance because (as you know) something always comes up, someone is sick, bed time is hard that day, work is extra busy. 
 
While I cannot solve this for you, I can reassure you that you aren't alone and from the outside you are doing a brilliant job. You have two fabulous boys that are happy and well-mannered and you look fabulous every morning (and I am always jealous when I see how pulled together you are at 8 am).
Posted @ Wednesday, August 18, 2010 9:28 PM by Julie
Mary -  
 
Hang in there! You have a very demanding job on top of your family responsibilities. I wish there was an easier way for Moms to get self-care in, they need it more than anyone. If I were you, I would leave work early one day a month to get a massage. Hugs!
Posted @ Wednesday, August 18, 2010 9:49 PM by Kristen Kelley
Hey Mary, 
 
 
 
Your right, it never gets easier...just different. Now with an almost 12 year old, 9 year old & 6 year old I've come to realize that it is really important to prioritize your life. As long as we all have food to eat, clean clothes(not necessarily folded & in drawers), everyone is where they need to be prepared and "on time" I feel we are doing pretty good. If I can then keep the house somewhat organized & clean I'm feeling even better about things. It is stressful & overwhelming at times but I try to take advantage of the time when the kids are at least ready for bed to head out to excercise, do an errand or meet friends for a walk, coffee or drink. Then I will usually feel better and try to conquer the huge neverending list of things to do because I have done something for myself. Never had a massage so I guess I don't know what I am missing...but I do make time for my 8 week visit to the salon for a hair cut and my annual pedicure (if I'm lucky I may get another one before the summer is over). Let others help (which I still have a hard time with). Even if they don't do things the way you do it it will still get done. Then it's one more thing you can cross off the list! 
 
 
 
You will get through this my friend...make time for yourself & your hubbie and enjoy your time with your precious boys. They are only little once! 
 
 
 
Happy birthday tomorrow! 
 
 
 
Kim
Posted @ Thursday, August 19, 2010 9:56 AM by Kim Davies
Ladies, I can't thank you enough for your generous comments. You have made my day and made me feel encouraged and not alone. Thank you so much! 
 
-Mary
Posted @ Thursday, August 19, 2010 10:15 AM by Mary Rogul
I have to agree with everyone else- if your kids are happy- then you are doing a great job! I keep reminding myself that having young kids is just a phase...it's tough to enjoy anything when you sleep 4 hours a night. I know that I am looking forward to taking fun trips with the kids when they are older. I get a glimpse of what life will be like when my nieces who are 11 and 13 come to visit. They are so self sufficient- wiping their own bums and putting themselves to bed ;) 
Now that I'm on hiatus from work, I really miss my commute- alone time in the car... 
You are so not alone - take care- hope to see you soon!
Posted @ Thursday, August 19, 2010 2:19 PM by Korey
Ahhh... I know EXACTLY how you feel, my friend and I wish I could be a testiment to a predicted ease. But what I know for sure is the mantra "this too shall pass" really does ring true. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and light! xo 
 
Posted @ Monday, August 23, 2010 8:09 PM by Sara Taylor
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